Prank Calling Creationists

April 25, 2009

This is the funniest story I’ve heard all day. Ever wonder if creationists’ guillibility has any limits? Well if you have, the answer is no…no, they don’t.

That was the discovery made by one blogger who decided to prank call the Word of Faith Christian Center with some amusing bogus  news stories that would rock their creationist brains:

I put in a call to the Word of Faith Christian Center and spoke to a lady who immediately shared my concern when I told her that I had recently heard news of scientists who were creating a magnetic field to stop Jesus from returning to Earth. We prayed together that these scientists be stopped and that atheism be crushed with the full force of God’s hand.

Oh, and it gets worse. They then called back later and told them that Obama admitted to being a secret Muslim:

In another call to the Word of Faith Christian Center, I spoke with a man who seemed confused, at first, when I told him that Barack Obama had just admitted to being a Muslim and performing the Salaat, as he hadn’t heard anything about it.

I then told the man that I was calling from Perth in Western Australia, and the conversation went as follows:

“You’re a day ahead of us… Do you guys get news before us sometimes?”
“Uh, yeah…”
“So we’ll be hearing about this later? Oh what a tremendous revelation that we were deceived!”

Since it had only just happened in Australia (which is “in the future”), he prayed a preventative prayer to stop it happening in the United States.

See, that’s the problem with all us “Evolutionists.” We’re not thinking fourth dimensionally! When you get to Australia, “those Indians won’t even be there!” Sorry, couldn’t resist! I bet you didn’t even know the Earth moved at 88 miles per hour, did you? Learn something new every day.


Who would Jesus hire a hitman to kill?

April 25, 2009

Kevin Jerome Pushia

Kevin Jerome Pushia is like a lot of pastors. He befriends the developmentally disabled. He persuades them to list him as a beneficiary on insurance policies. He then hires a hit man with $50,000 in church funds to rub them out  so he could collect life insurance money. You know, the way Jesus would have.

And he’s quite organized too:

A terse notation in Pushia’s planning calendar for Feb. 5, the day after [Lemuel] Wallace was found dead in a Leakin Park bathroom stall from multiple gunshot wounds to the head and back, reads: “L.W. project completed,” police said.

Well it’s safe to say religion is not to blame for this, though perhaps Pushia’s plot was made all the easier given his trusted position in the church. Though that’s purely conjecture on my part.

I’ve got just 4 words for Mr. Pushia:  “Movie Rights” and “Call me.”


Michele Bachmann’s stupidity is all natural, baby!

April 25, 2009

In case somehow someone out there was still not convinced that Michelle Bachmann is one of the stupidest people to ever be elected to office in the U.S., in just 3 minutes, she supplies more than enough evidence that this is so.

And I know I said in the headline that her stupidity is all natural but who am I kidding? Such stupidity isn’t merely there from birth. No, it takes a team of expert morons teaching him from kindergarten all the way through higher education and beyond to contribute in making a person this stupid.

Apparently, according to Ms. Bachmann, if something is natural, then it’s good for you. You know what else is natural? Cyanide. Arsonic. Methylmercury. Hemlock. Cocaine.

I don’t even know where to begin with this one, so I’ll pass it over to PZ Myers to refute some of her more idiotic statements.

thestupiditburns


Another astrologer failed and didn’t see it coming

April 24, 2009

psychic-crystal-ball_1114702cThis time it’s a Bulgarian astrologer named Emil Leshtanski, who predicted 800,000 people would be killed by a massive earthquake that would hit the city of Haskovo on Easter night. And guess what happened. Yup, nothing.

But the abysmal track record of psychics and charlatans didn’t stop hundreds of people from sleeping in tents and in their cars for fear of being crushed by collapsing buildings.

But I bet Leshtanski wishes something horrible did happen to all those people because they’re majorly pissed off and want to prosecute Leshtanski for spreading false information and inciting a panic.

Amateur Scientist doesn’t think this warrents legal action:

If convicted, he could be sentenced to up to two years in jail. But while it’s always good for a fraud to be so publicly exposed, I’m not sure prosecution is in order. People, after all, should have freedom of speech. Though it could be said that telling an entire city they’re all going to die is the same as shouting “fire” in a crowded theater. Still, it’s not unreasonable to assume that the person shouting “fire” might have actually seen a fire. But believing someone who says the Earth is going to shake because of how the stars are positioned?

But I disagree. I’m a huge free speech advocate but one of the few exeptions to free speech I agree with is the proverbial “shouting fire in a crowded theater” and I think this absolutely is akin to the “shouting fire in a crowded theater” scenario.

Leshtanski incited panic and hysteria, which endangered lives. And while I love Amateur Scientist, I think he runs the risk here of seeming like he’s blaming the victims for being gullible enough to believe a reading of the stars signaled threat. But whether it’s shouting fire or a baseless Chicken Little-like cry that the sky is falling based on astrological signs, its just as real to those driven to a panic. So I’m happy that the stars are telling me a prison cell is in Leshtanski’s future.


Kazakhstan, all you needed to do was buy a few Reese’s Pieces

April 24, 2009

Okay, this has got to be the silliest story of the day. In order to make benefit glorious nation of Kazakhstan, the Kazakhstan government has allegedly decided their money would be best spent on building the world’s first alien embassy, as in space alien embassy:

If these reports are to be believed, the authorities have already allocated a large plot of land in the city of Almaty for this ambitious project. Facilities to be built within the complex will include a guesthouse, theatre and translation service. A purpose built UFO landing pad and checkpoint will be attached to the embassy.

Kazakhstan’s government believes open contact with aliens is imminent and by being the first nation to specifically create such facilities they are convinced they will reap enormous financial and economic rewards. The Kazakhstan Government also see this as a chance to demonstrate their nations forward thinking policies.

This has got to be an elaborate prank because I find it hard to believe that Kazakhstan could possibly thikn their nation is more forward thinking than the rest of Western world. And wouldn’t it occur to them at all that the space aliens might not be anything like us and might not have any use for such things as a theatre.

There’s just no way this is real story. If this would true, it’d make every comedian’s day. It’s just too absurd, far more absurd than Borat’s “Running of the Jew” festival.


Protest war at UCLA

April 23, 2009

And after the protest, those protesting against research on animals offered themselves as replacement test subjects.No, just kidding. They offered no viable alternative.

But those supporting the scientific research that involves animal testing fired back with their own protest. CNN covered it but I could not embed it here. But you can find CNN’s coverage embedded here.


We’ve got a T-Rex…ancestor

April 23, 2009

Yet another transitional fossil that creationists will have to deny has been discovered. This time it’s an ancestor to the tyrannosaurus rex:

The fossils date from the middle of the Cretaceous period, and may be a “missing link”, tying the familiar big T rex to its much smaller ancestors.

The fossils show early signs of the features that became pronounced with later tyrannosaurs.

Paleontological knowledge about the family of dinosaurs known as tyrannosaurs is based around two distinct groups of fossils from different parts of the Cretaceous period, which ran from approximately 145 to 65 million years ago.

So for those keeping count, that’s 144,994,000 to 64,994,000 years before the existence of the entire universe, according to Young Earth Creationists.

And notice that the T-Rex comes from the Cretaceous period and not the Jurassic Period, as some recently deceased science fiction writers would have us believe:


Bill Donahue is pissed. It must be Tuesday

April 23, 2009

Professional Offendee Bill Donahue of The Catholic League is. . .wait for it. . .offended at a new movie. I know what you’re thinking. This is an old story. After all, The War on Christmas ended in December. . .and Religulous has been out on DVD for a while now. . .and Webster Cook and PZ Myers defiled Cracker Jesus almost 9 months ago. . . and the chocolate Jesus statue hasn’t been heard from in a year. . .and nobody even saw the movie Goya’s Ghost anyway. . .and The Golden Compass hasn’t been in theaters since 2007. . .and The Da Vinci Code has been out of theaters longer than that. . .and the ABC TV show Nothing Sacred was cancelled 10 years before that around the time Dogma left theaters.

So after protesting EVERYTHING already, what the fuck is making Donahue angry now? This time it’s the movie Angels and Demons that’s got hold of the stick up Donahue’s ass:

Donahue accused Brown and Howard of “smearing the Catholic Church with fabulously bogus tales.”

To which Ron Howard responded:

“And let me be a little controversial: I believe Catholics, including most in the hierarchy of the Church, will enjoy the movie for what it is: an exciting mystery, set in the awe-inspiring beauty of Rome,” Howard wrote.

Apparently, Ron Howard has far more diplomacy than I do as I would have told Donahue to grow up and get a fuckin’ life, followed by an detailed explanation of how actors pretend to be other people to play out stories that aren’t real and that if Donahue ever sees a moving train on a film screen, it can’t harm him because it’s only an illusion. Idiot.


Hate Crime Lies

April 23, 2009

Once again, Congress is considering updating Hate Crime legislation, and as always those with the most to fear from laws against hate, the religious, are up and arms about it.

Now I used to be philosophically against Hate Crime laws because I thought they were essentially thought crime. I now recognize that this is not the case. Hate Crime laws do not criminalize undesirable thoughts but rather only play a role in cases where violent crimes have been committed, contrary to what the religious would have us believe:

In a bulletin sent to pastors, the Family Research Council claim that if the bill becomes law, religious leaders will be subject to prosecution for preaching against homosexuality. But the fact is that H.R. 1913, the Local Law Enforcement Hate Crimes Prevention Act of 2009 would do no such thing. The bill calls for granting the federal government jurisdiction to prosecute people for violent crimes based on race, color, religion, nationality, disability, gender, or sexual orientation if local officials refuse to prosecute.

We already obviously judge violent crime differently based on intent (ex. first degree murder, manslaughter, etc.) and we already have some Hate Crime legislation the judges people differently based on motive. The only meaningful difference with the new laws seems to be that it includes hate against sexual orientation along with racial, gender, etc. This isnt’ criminalizing thought but merely another deterent to prevent violent crime against those individuals stastistically most likely to be the victims of violent crime. That seems like the height of rationality in a humane society looking for reasonable solutions to violent crime.

And it absolutely does not prevent religious individuals from preaching the hate they love so much. I mean can you imagine what religion would look like without their self-righteous hate? What would they do with all that spare time?


Jim Carrey getting dumb and dumber

April 23, 2009

Once again The Huffington Post, the 1 publication that makes The National Inquirer look like The Washington Post by comparison, hosts an article by an anti-vaccinationist. But this time it’s not David Kirby or Dan Olmstead. No, this time it’s by comedian and movie actor Jim Carrey.

Recently, I was amazed to hear a commentary by CNN’s Campbell Brown on the controversial vaccine issue. After a ruling by the ‘special vaccine court’ saying the Measles, Mumps, Rubella shot wasn’t found to be responsible for the plaintiffs’ autism, she and others in the media began making assertions that the judgment was in, and vaccines had been proven safe. No one would be more relieved than Jenny and I if that were true.

First of all, there is no controversy, only the manufactured one presented in the popular media.

Second, all 3 test cases Carrey alludes to concerned MMR vaccines, thimerosal-containing vaccines, and the combination. The hearings also gave information on whether MMR or thimerosal separately caused autism. And these were the 3 cases chosen by the lawyers representing the parents for the very reason that they represented the strongest cases they had against the vaccines. And they still lost.

Third, the vaccines HAVE been proven safe, so according to you, you and Jenny should be ecstatic. But your not. And that’s because Jenny is a D-list actor whose fame, fortune, and self-worth almost entirely relies now on her role as advocate for autistic children who have been “injured” by vaccines. She also loses her scapegoat and is left with no one to blame for the senseless tragedy of having a child who struggles to connect to the rest of the world. You take that away from Jenny and what has she got left? What’s her legacy? A DVD copy of “Witless Protection?” And you, Jim, would lose the activist girlfriend you love and have to accept that you’re just dating a crazy person.

But with all due respect to Ms. Brown, a ruling against causation in three cases out of more than 5000 hardly proves that other children won’t be adversely affected by the MMR, let alone that all vaccines are safe. This is a huge leap of logic by anyone’s standards. Not everyone gets cancer from smoking, but cigarettes do cause cancer. After 100 years and many rulings in favor of the tobacco companies, we finally figured that out.

Next we have this straw man. Of course Ms. Brown’s position isn’t solely based on 3 small court cases, but additionally numerous clinically controlled studies each analyzing the data of thousands of people as well as the overwhelming number of expert opinions. The data is so strongly against the vaccine-autism hypothesis and so much in favor of genetic causes that you could say it fits “like a glove!”

Compare that to the number of reputable studies that supports Carrey’s view (Total number = zero).  How about this, Jim. When you can present numerous reputable studies that support your position, by all means present the results to the scientific community. Sound good? Allllrighty then!

In actually, applying Carrey’s own analogy, his position more closely resembles those who would claim that not enough evidence supports a link between tobacco and cancer as the same quality scientific research that support such a link between tobacco and cancer suggest no link between vaccines and autism.

The truth is that no one without a vested interest in the profitability of vaccines has studied all 36 of them in depth. There are more than 100 vaccines in development, and no tests for cumulative effect or vaccine interaction of all 36 vaccines in the current schedule have ever been done. If I’m mistaken, I challenge those who are making such grand pronouncements about vaccine safety to produce those studies.

Actually Jim, every vaccine as well as ever drug is required to go through years of clinical testing before being put on the market, so literally hundreds of long-term and short-term studies have been conducted on each vaccine. Further, scientists have compared the rate of autism between vaccinated and unvaccinated populations in multiple countries and found no meaningful difference. Further, as I pointed out in a blog post yesterday, the U.S. vaccine schedule includes 13 more vaccines than the UK does by the age of 2, and yet the UK has a larger autism population. But of course your position doesn’t appear so doomed if we just throw out all the facts and wipe our memories. Oh, the eternal sunshine of the spotless mind!

If we are to believe that the ruling of the ‘vaccine court’ in these cases mean that all vaccines are safe, then we must also consider the rulings of that same court in the Hannah Polling and Bailey Banks cases, which ruled vaccines were the cause of autism and therefore assume that all vaccines are unsafe. Clearly both are irresponsible assumptions, and neither option is prudent.

I guess this isn’t one of those days where Jim is incapable of lying.

A. The Hannah Poling case was not tried in the same special courts as the first 3 Autism Omnibus cases.

B. The Hannah Poling case wasn’t won but rather ended in a settlement and was specifically not included as a test case in the Autism Omnibus cases because of her pre-existing condition, a mitochondrial disorder that made her a unique case. And the Bailey Banks case also didn’t rule that vaccines cause autism but because of the complexity of the science, it’s easy for propagandists to fool people into thinking that was the finding so I recommend reading the link above for more detail about that case.

In this growing crisis, we cannot afford to blindly trumpet the agenda of the CDC, the American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) or vaccine makers. Now more than ever, we must resist the urge to close this book before it’s been written. The anecdotal evidence of millions of parents who’ve seen their totally normal kids regress into sickness and mental isolation after a trip to the pediatrician’s office must be seriously considered. The legitimate concern they and many in the scientific community have that environmental toxins, including those found in vaccines, may be causing autism and other disorders (Aspergers, ADD, ADHD), cannot be dissuaded by a show of sympathy and a friendly invitation to look for the ‘real’ cause of autism anywhere but within the lucrative vaccine program.

Ah, now we get at the meat of Carrey’s argument. Don’t listen to the experts and their evil science. Listen to me, an actor with no medical knowledge whatsoever because I have anecdotal evidence. This isn’t merely about blindly following the CDC or the AAP (incidentally 2 of the most reputable medical institutions in the world). First of all, virtually every medical expert in the world agrees with them on this issue. But more importantly, the evidence is so overwhelmingly supporting them. And the scientific method is specifically designed to weed out fraud over time, as in the case of Jim and Jenny’s hero Mr. Wakefield. But this whole dishonest and inconsistent elitism gambit of first criticizing the experts that disagree with them and then trumpeting their cherry-picked “experts” is quite common among anti-vaccinationists, as is evidenced here.

Further anecdotal evidence alone is among the weakest forms of evidence possible, and no matter how high you build a pile of shit, it will never turn into gold. Indeed, if anecdotal evidence alone was worth anything, we’d all have to accept that millions of people have been adbucted by aliens.

With vaccines being the fastest growing division of the pharmaceutical industry, isn’t it possible that profits may play a part in the decision-making? That the vaccine program is becoming more of a profit engine than a means of prevention? In a world left reeling from the catastrophic effects of greed, mismanagement and corporate insensitivity, is it so absurd for us to wonder why American children are being given twice as many vaccines on average, compared to the top 30 first world countries?

Yup, now it’s all about building a conspiracy. If drug companies wanted to make money off of autism and had the power to put unproven drugs out on the market, don’t you think they would have put out some kind of drug product that allegedly treats autism that might actually make them money as opposed to just continuing to sell many unprofitable vaccines. And yes, most vaccines are not very profitable at all. And what is Jim getting at here anyway? Is he suggesting that vaccines are a sham medical product? And since vaccines have proven to save millions of lives every year and haven’t proven to seriously harm many people at all, how can any sane person suggest the risk is greater than the reward? If Jim’s going to flat-out say that medical professionals are letting children be poisoned for their own monitary benefit he’s going to have to back that up with facts. So far, he’s presented none, only paranoid suspicions. And we receive more vaccines because they’re effective in preventing disease. It’s unfortunate that most countries don’t have as strong a vaccine program as we do. Maybe that’s why the mortality rate in most countries is greater than in the U.S.

Paul Offit, the vaccine advocate and profiteer, who helped invent a Rotavirus vaccine is said to have paved the way for his own multi-million dollar windfall while serving on the very council that eventually voted his Rotavirus vaccine onto our children’s schedule.

Yup, Offit’s a “profiteer” because he’s such an expert in his field that he invented a life-saving vaccine that helps millions of people. How dare anyone ever profit off of saving lives. I guess firefighters are profiteers too as are police officers and surgeons. This is nothing but shamelss ad hominem. You know what, Jim? Someone has profited off of every medicine you’ve ever purchased. That’s how capitalism works! Maybe you shouldn’t buy groceries either because your grocer is a “profiteer.”

Okay, I think I’m done with this nonsense. Jim makes a fine actor and comedian, and a lousy thinker.

[UPDATE: Orac reports this story too here and by Left BrainRight Brain/autism blog here]


Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 45 other followers