Bill Donohue is grumpy. It must be Tuesday.

Child Rapist Apologist Bill Donohue is offended again. And this time his psychotic rant was published as a guest column in the Washington Post. Apparently, they gave up their journalistic integrity. In the article, he complains about all the evil liberals and their evil agenda to eliminate Donohue’s all-powerful God who is apparently powerless to stop mere mortals. Donohue sees villany everywhere, especially Hollywood, even though he himself brings up the undeniable success of The Passion of the Christ. But in perhaps the funniest line in his little diatribe, Donohue attempts to discount this film as a clear exception to his argument:

Were it not for Mel Gibson, there would have been no “Passion of the Christ.”

Well DUH! He co-wrote, co-produced, and financed the bloody thing! But what Donohue and other wacko conspiracists don’t understand is that while Hollywood definitely is filled with lots of creative types, a class of folk that tend to be more liberal, Hollywood’s only real agenda is making money. That’s it. Do you think the people being the new film 2012 give a shit about how their promotion of this doomsday superstition affects their audience? No. All they care about is that it’s another disaster film by the dude who brought them the incredibly profitable Independence Day. They didn’t pay the project much interest originally because there was every reason in the world to think that an entirely subtitled film that was nothing but blood & guts the whole way through would not be financially successful. But even liberal Hollywood was happy to eventually embrace Mel’s little torture porn flick once it proved profitable. And I’m sure numerous similar film ideas have been floating around in Hollywood ever since. I personally would like to see The Passion of Adam, a five-hour film in real-time showing the agony of the first man after having his rib literally ripped out of his chest without any anesthetic at all.

But I think Donohue’s real agenda in writing this piece is contained in one paragraph where he proposes all the religions join forces against their common liberal enemies:

The only way secular saboteurs can be stopped is by an alliance of religious conservatives across faith lines. The good news is that this is already happening. In the fight over gay marriage, the scorecard is 30-0: traditional Catholics, evangelical Protestants, Orthodox Jews, Orthodox Christians, Muslims, and Mormons, along with a big contribution from the Latino and African American communities, have succeeded in throwing a roadblock at this crazy idea.

Yeah, good luck with that one. In fact, Bill, I’ll even pay for the plane ticket so you can travel to the Middle East to meet with Al Qaeda personally to discuss this “holy alliance” of yours. I hear they’re quite rasonable and accomodating people, those Muslim conservatives.

Oh, but the absolute best part of Donohue’s article is the very last paragraph:

The culture war is up for grabs. The good news is that religious conservatives continue to breed like rabbits, while secular saboteurs have shut down: they’re too busy walking their dogs, going to bathhouses and aborting their kids. Time, it seems, is on the side of the angels.

Am I wrong in thinking that Donohue is telling the religious to continue fucking their brains out and applauding secular abortion? Also, bathhouses? What?! But since in reality, church membership in the U.S. is way down, churches are closing like crazy, Christian organizations of laying off hundreds of employees, many evangelicals are moarning their dying movement, and every study has shown a rise in the number of people not affiliated with any religion, I’m glad Bill’s happy with his women-as-breeding-tools, fuck-your-way-to-salvation approach. Good luck with that one, buddy!

PZ Myers also does a good job of responding this this big bowl of crazy here.

Oh, but speaking of Donohue, he’s also pissed off at The Simpsons over a line in their latest “Treehouse of Horrors XX” episode. In one of the segments titled, “Don’t Have a Cow, Mankind,” Bart becomes the “Chosen One” who’s immuned to zombie infection. When they get him to the Safe Zone where they can use him to create an antidote, the following exchange takes place:

Guard: “Welcome, son. To survive, all we must do is eat your flesh.”

Marge: “Hold it right there, Bub! What kind of civilized people eat the body and blood of their savior?”

Rev. Lovejoy: [Groans nervously]

And Donohue’s over-the-top response?

What kind of uncivilized people work at Fox? Last year, when they poked some gentle fun at the Apostle’s Creed on the Halloween episode, we said nothing. That’s because it didn’t cross the line. This year is different: mocking the heart of any religion always crosses the line, and mocking the Eucharist does it for Catholics. They know this at Fox, which is precisely why they did it.

Oh, they didn’t complain that one time, so that entitles them to complain about every other trivial offense against their stupid beliefs. And how much would you want to make a bet that the only reason they didn’t complain that last time was because they didn’t find out about it until it was no longer timely? This is the same guy who called the chocolate Jesus sculpture two Easters ago the worst offense to his religion ever and organized a boycott against ABC because they put on a drama series focusing on the staff of an inner-city church that included an agnostic pastor as well as an atheist. And now he’s going balistic over a two-second joke in The Simpsons, which is actually fairly standard by Simpsons standards. Apparently, Donohue never heard Rev. Lovejoy tell Ned Flanders to consider some of the other religions because they’re all basically the same or the time Rev. Lovejoy asked Marge if she ever actually sat down to read the Bible and then said, “Technically, we’re not allowed to use the bathroom.” The Simpsons mocks religion on a regular basis. You don’t like it, Billy? Don’t watch. If you haven’t figured out that The Simpsons is critical of religion often by now then I’m guessing you never watched it to begin with anyway.

And even though I’m long past the point where I’ve stopped watching new episodes of the show, let me use this opportunity to promote it. Here’s the episode in question that apparently made baby Jesus cry.

The short begins at the 7:50 mark and the excerpt in question begins at the 14:08 mark.


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