‘Experts’ investigating haunted house baffled by fire

It seems that there’s a haunted house exhibiting paranormal activity in west Bohemia that has “the experts” scratching their heads. Gee gang, looks like we got another mystery on our hands. Of course, by experts, the article means experts in psychotronics, a seemingly made up scientific discipline:

Experts in psychotronics call such unexplainable occurrences “poltergeist,” a ghost that manifests itself by moving and influencing objects in a particular location.

Well far be it from me to question “the experts.” So what is the nature of the paranormal activity going on in this house? It seems that for weeks, there has been frequent small fires and cracked window panes. No! Not cracked window panes!!!

JINKIES! I think I’ve solved the mystery.

What if…

Now this is going to sound crazy but hear me out here.

What if the small fires were started by…

…AN ACCELERANT!

Looks like we cracked this case.

And the poltergeists would have gotten away with it if it weren’t for those meddling kids and their dumb dog!

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