And the award for biggest potential waste of money in a recession goes to…

And the award for biggest potential waste of money in a recession goes to…

THE CITIZENS OF DENVER, COLORADO!!

Congratulations you guys for making the “Bridge to Nowhere” sound like money well spent.

So what won Denver the award?

A proposal to create a Denver commission to study visitors from outer space will go before voters this summer after supporters gathered the required signatures to get it on the ballot.

City Clerk and Recorder Stephanie O’Malley sent a letter on Monday to Jeff Peckman, who submitted the signatures, stating she had deemed them sufficient.

The ordinance change required 3,974 valid signatures. Peckman submitted more than 10,000 signatures; 4,211 were valid.

You’re shitting me! I don’t know what amuses me more, that the ordinance change required exactly 3,974 signatures (sucks to be you, hypothetical ordinance change that only managed to get 3,973 signatures), that they managed to get the required number of signatures and then some, or that 6,000 of the signatures (60% for the remedial kids) handed in were invalid. It’s like trying to choose which kid you love the most.

Peckman said he will ask voters to approve creating the commission from “grants, gifts and donations.”

Better do it quick before all those starving kids get it. Damn you, Sally Struthers!! Can’t you see that we need that money for the war effert if we’re ever to quell the Martian insurection! They’ve got anal probes, woman! ANAL PROBES! And possibly death rays.

The seven-member commission would be tasked with collecting evidence that extraterrestrials and their “UFO vehicles” have been visiting Earth.

Yes, because that worked sooooo well the last time…until that damned Wil Smith and Tommy Lee Jones showed up and banished Agent Mulder to the basement of the FBI.

He predicted that the election would cause high-profile believers in extraterrestrial to come out and tell Denver voters about what they know.

“They will see there is an attentive audience, and that people are digging into this issue,” Peckman said. “They will see there is an opportunity to say something when people are paying attention.”

Yes, because until now people kept such a tight lid on their various UFO sighting and abduction stories. Finally now UFO believers will come out of the closet. Who knows? Maybe they’ll start holding massive annual conventions…and blogging…and podcasting about it 24/7.  Then we’ll know the truth because as everyone knows, there’s no better evidence than anecdotal evidence and blurry photos/videos. And eye witness testimony is incredibly reliable, especially when space aliens are concerned.

In 2003, Peckman pushed a “Safety Through Peace” initiative that voters rejected. If that proposal had passed, it would have required the city to implement systematic, stress-reducing techniques or programs that are scientifically proven to decrease stress and would financially benefit the city.

Peckman had suggested the peace-inducing techniques could involve everything from more nutritious food in public schools to mass meditation sessions to piping soothing music into public buildings to reduce stress and violence.

I’m just going to let that one go without comment. Anything you can think of will probably be funnier anyway.

The initiatives Peckman has pushed has generated concern among some city council members who fear the threshold for ballot initiatives invites frivolous initiatives.

Frivolous initiatives? But what about the Martians? There will be plenty of time to address war, famine, poverty, disease, environmental concerns, and actual scientific endeavors to seek out alien life like SETI later. We wanna collect more tall tales, dammit!

I feel like I took this article far more seriously than this news story deserved.

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