1. Illinois baseball team makes baby Jesus cry – An Illinois baseball team called the Joliet Jackhammers put up a deliberately amusing sign that seems to mock the sanctimonious invocations of “God” by athletes. Not surprisingly, this offended the fragile Christians who are just so darned persecuted. If only they had some all-powerful, supreme being that was looking out for them. If only. This gave me an idea for a joke. What can’t tell the difference between the number one and the number three, feels it needs to fight an omnipotent god’s battles for it, and goes “Wah! Wah! Wah!” all the time? Christians.
2. Gov. Jan Brewer saves Arizona from. . .something. I’m not really clear from what – Brewer made an executive order saying that following the First Amendment to the Constitution by providing people the freedom to celebrate their religious holidays.
She similarly barred those agencies from stopping state employees from wishing others either “Merry Christmas” or “Happy Hanukkah.”
That’s a great idea. Someone should think about making that some kind of Constitutional Amendment or something. Checkmate non-existent atheists trying to stop people from saying “Merry Christmas”!
3. New South Portland, Maine mayor asks secular humanist to deliver invocation – Well I don’t really understand what the point of an invocation is if aren’t trying to, you know, invoke something, but whatever floats your boat. Mayor Tom Coward chose a college senior named Andrew Lovley who founded the Southern Maine Association of Secular Humanists (SMASH) on his campus to perform the ceremony. Gotta love those names.
4. Screw over your neighbors and win a free trip to Hooters – That’s apparently the latest evil plot by health insurance companies to provent doctors from saving more lives. A new campaign by Chamber of Commerce is actually trying to bribe people into signing up for emails that tell them “how to protect your family’s future and bring common sense solutions to the health-care debate” by offering them free gift cards to Hooters. And by “common sense solutions” they of course mean just continue to let 20,000 uninsured Americans die each year.
5. Ohio school removes ‘belief in God’ from mission statement – Actually, I think that’s more of a demand than a statement. But anyway, they did it to avoid a lawsuit from the Freedom From Religion Foundation.
The Lake Local school board near Canton has voted to delete the reference to belief in God. A final vote is planned next month.
Does anyone else suspect that the real hero of Canton is the man they call Jayne?