1. More Catholic child buggery in Minnesota –
Vatican officials failed to take action against a priest accused of sexually abusing two teenage girls in Minnesota despite repeated warnings from a local bishop starting in 2005, attorneys for one of the alleged victims said Monday.
Yeah, what else is new?
2. What’s the funniest religion? – A new “risque” British comedy film The Infidel, about an ordinary Muslim family man who discovers he’s Jewish has inspired an internet competition seeking to determine which religion is the funniest. My vote goes to Christianity. 3 gods = 1 god? Transubstantiation? Jesus riding on the back of an ass solely to fulfill a prophecy? Land of milk and honey? Hell? C’mon, it’s no contest.
3. Jordanians fools by April Fools UFO hoax – 72 years after the town of Grovers Mill, New Jersey was invaded by Martians only to discover later that it was was just a radio broadcast by Orson Welles, Jordanians fall victim to a similar hoax in the April Fools edition of a local newspaper, proving that perhaps UFO hoaxing is the oldest trick in the book. And early last year my friends Joe Rudy and Chris Russo hoaxed Morristown, New Jersey with their own UFO hoax. You’d think such a major news story being broken by newspaper instead of the internet would have been a big tip-off but what can you say? People fall for it every time! And that’s why the people of Jordan are this year’s April Fools.
4. Australian police ban Easter crucifixion re-entactment – It wasn’t real re-enactment though. It’s the Philippines who are go all the way with actual crucifixions because they’re hardcore. The Australian version was just a display of a semi-naked Jesus splattered in fake blood. . .cause Australians are pussies. (Kidding)
5. Poll suggests 78% of Americans believe in Jesus’ resurrection – And in related news, 78% of Americans are certifiably insane.
6. Move over Mexicans and Indians. Cause now robots are stealin’ are jobs! – It’s only a matter of time before a Skynet-designed Donald Trump Replicant calls you into his office to tell you that you’re terminated, while assuring you that all of this has happened before and it will happen again. Fuckin’ Cylons!
7. Pope’s ‘revenge’ as LA gets Opus Dei bishop – Remember that strange, radical Catholic group in ‘The DaVinci Code’ that was based on a real group, which then protested the book and film because it depicted them as masochistic freaks when in reality, they’re only masochistic freaks on weekends (or was it every other Tuesday?) Anyway, Opus Dei are back, baby! And this time they’re taking L.A.
But I’m sure it will all be fine. I mean, what could go wrong?
The Archdiocese of Los Angeles, however, is one of the worst afflicted by the clerical sexual abuse crisis that has convulsed the US Church since 2002.
Son of a bitch!
8. Carbon nanotubes make quantum-sized black holes -This is how they say awesome in science-ese:
Physicists at Harvard University have found that a high-voltage nanotube can cause cold atoms to spiral inward under dramatic acceleration before disintegrating violently. Their experiments, the first to demonstrate something akin to a black hole at atomic scale, are described in the current issue of the journal Physical Review Letters.